Caring for an aging parent can be hard work.
Many adults will do so at some point, often while also caring for adult children, spouses, careers, and social connections. I hear the stories all the time and perhaps you have too.
When “caring” for parents becomes “parenting” the parents…this toxic dynamic becomes overwhelming. Loving and caring for parents without healthy boundaries leads to anxiety, exhaustion, bitterness and often burnout. Instead of idealized Hallmark moments with an aging mom or dad, there’s frustrations, power struggles, and hurt feelings on all sides. Caregivers become irritable, exasperated and even angry with their parents. Then to make matters worse-they feel guilty for feeling irritable, exasperated, and angry.
The good news is it doesn’t have to be this way. Check out below for some ideas!
Healthy Boundaries in Adult Child & Parent Relationships:
- The parent is the parent, regardless of age or capabilities.
- Every human deserves to be treated with dignity even if assistance is needed. Doing so with your parents, even when frustrated, will go a long way-trust me.
- Respect your parents’ choices and preferences.
- As long as safety isn’t an issue, let go of what you cannot control. (See #1)
- It is not your responsibility to do EVERYTHING for your parents.
- If finances allow for it-Outsource! Pay people to mow the yard, clean the house, cook for them during the day, etc. Hire a professional Caregiver. 🙂
- If finances don’t allow for it-Accept the offers of help from other family members, neighbors, friends, church members, etc. Don’t say you’re “fine” when they offer-ask when they want to come over.
- Guilt is a horrible taskmaster…
- Examine your motives for caring for aging parents. Be mindful of unhealthy expectations or dynamics within the relationships.
- It’s okay to step away from a parent who continues to be abusive, in any way. Period.
- Self-Care is NOT an option.
- It is a necessity.
- See your own doctors, have lunch with friends, stay home and do nothing or whatever brings your heart joy and peace. Ignoring your needs because you’re too busy with your parents is unsustainable. Live your life too
Agree in the beginning with your parents that your ultimate goal is to…
Enjoy the remaining time you have with your parents. (not dread it…)
